Thursday, February 11, 2010


The best part of some days is that school has started again and I could not be more proud of being a student..
I had a rough day today and than I jumped on a bus and came to school.. and just the moment I walked onto campus I felt myself being able to breath..and I was able to look at our store finally!! Now I have to make up some money to be able to buy all these things from my school..

The last few days have nearly felt a blur with everything going on.. I have had an emotional baggage going on for a while here and there... I've been broken, felt bruised and in much need of a distraction from my life..

In a few days.. some people will acknowledge me in a way I haven't felt needed in a long time.. the last party I loved and celebrated was at NLGH, being able to be acknowledged in that place it seriously warmed my heart and I just loved it beyond words and miss that kind of love!
I'm not sure whats happening this time around and can only hope that I am able to wake up right and to get in the mindset that it's okay to acknowledge me even in my own faults, brokenness.. I have felt so unworthy lately.. so broken lately it just hasn't felt worth life you know?
I've stretched myself so much, worked so hard. and tried and tried.. and I haven't failed but after a while of all I've done I finally fell apart.. a much needed time of falling apart just to be able to release all that was going on for me.

I'm finally able to breath.. after all the chaos of things this past week.. to really know you know? that everything I'm fighting for is okay and it's coming together at whatever pace that it needs too..
I have created relationships with people that seems to go deeper than I could ever feel.. and honestly you know what that means for me? it's means scary unknown zone.. and there is a lot of fear with that but there's also a love in these relationships that conquers all the fear and a desire to change and move forward with my life!

I look forward to school.. look forward to see what happens in the following week..

Regardless I feel like I'm carrying on.. successfully..not fully there but I'm still here.. and I'm still trying.. to me that's all that matters.

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