same streets different path

I cant wrap my mind around the life I'm living. I keep rereading my date of birth records. Clearly stating drugs an alcohol in my system. Growing up where drugs an alcohol were huge part of my upbringing. Of course like all cycles I went for it with drinking. But drugs were death to me. Losing my father at a young age to drug overdose. I knew that I never wanted that life... watched it destroy so many but people say alcohol is a drug too.. but I hardly remember allowing to consume me. Control me. Like having to drink all time or in excess. 

When I left that lifestyle just cause I became crazy. Always trying to end my life. Due to trauma. Due to so many things. I just couldn't enjoy it. So I stopped. An then a year or so later.  I got this amazing child in my life. 

But I barely recognized that I've had this kid in my life for almost six years. And I haven't had any desires to throw this life away

At no time have I decided yeah I totally wanna go back to self destruction or drink or use drugs. Maybe trying like medical shrooms or something but not throwing my life away.

And yet.. 

Friend of mine. Not sure how friendly we are. But we been around. Anyway IDK what friends do. But we don't talk all time. Don't hang out all time. We just exist an sometimes grab food. Anyway. 

Shes not doing well. An I just talked to her. An she had said she going down a not so good path. An said she going to make positive changes to end the negative shit going on

And I thought great. Let's go out. Bring our kids out. Enjoy life. 

An then. I found her. Found her on the ground. Found her intoxicated being stupid. 

Feels like what was the point in all that talk. What was the point in saying anything if all she gonna do is give up on herself 

I'm disappointed. I'm frustrated. I'm hurt. Idk what I am.

But have I spent all my time trying to support her just to have her or see her giving up on herself. 

And yet I can't get involved 

I cant get caught up in all that. It's not what I'm about anymore. I'm supposed to be cutting those people out of my life. Doing well for myself. Idk. What is the right decision. 

If she isn't willing to make the changes for herself. She isn't willing to see how her choices will continue to effect her in a bad way..

Then idk.. I cant help her. Until she willing to do shit for herself.