Hardest days

So... it's been on my mind an because I can't email. Text or call I throw this to the universe.
I met someone wow...over 10 yrs ago... she came into my life when everything was falling apart. Where I was literally tearing at the seams. My life was choking me to death. I had gone through some traumatic stuff that I hope to not have to repeat ever.
Regardless I was supposed to work on some project for our mutual friend... and I had just found out this shitty new .  An for whatever reason I totally just broke down an spilled the beans about everything to this person I knew for only short amount of time...
I'll tell you I never imagined that 10 yrs later she would forever be embedded in my soul. I literally put this woman through the hell an back rollercoaster. I was struggling so hard to find something to live for, for something to have meaning in my life. I was filled with guilt. I was filled with shame. An I was tormented by the decisions I had made in my life.
But through it all this amazing woman would not give up on me. I dont know why or how or for what reason but thinking back on it now..  I cannot tell you enough how grateful I am to have her.
Regardless I guess you get the just of her... an the love an empowerment I feel regarding my relationship with her.
I just want the universe to give her love...joy an happiness. For giving me a chance after chance. For being a huge part of my success story.
If not for her faith and love with me... I would not be here today.

I guess the reason it's on my mind... is because recently I went through something with family drama... an for the first time in a REALLY long time I had the addictive destructive urges I once had.. an it made me wish I could pick up the phone just to hear her voice. Just to hear her say she loved me  or that everything was going to be ok.
Regardless I didnt do anything.  Except look into my sons eyes an give him a really big hug..
Everything I do now effects him. So believe me.. true mom through an through an the urges left or subsided.

But i dont want it to effect my life to have power of me. Which is why im writing the world hoping to release it from my house.

An to shout out to the woman I will love forever. She is forever engraved on my soul. I will never forget. An I hope one day I can return her kindness an love.

Thx