New Parent

I cannot even begin to describe the time I have had since taking care of my nephew, and how much my life has DRASTICALLY changed! I not only moved out of my home, and got him into daycare, I also have a new job...
I have been back to work consistently since April.... I cannot tell you enough how amazing it is to be able to buy food, to pay for insurance, gas, to buy myself clothes and shoes and tattoos! ahaha
I think I love my job... I think right now just getting through the rough edges is my obstacle and a lot of that is just not knowing people, and people not knowing me. I sort of wish that I could steal my friend or friends from Vancouver and have them come out here and get my back.. I feel so small sometimes and it's hard to be great at my job when I feel that way... constantly wondering, questioning and making sure i'm doing my job properly. and I don't know how to make it better, except that I know I make mistakes and i know I try my best almost everyday...

regardless being back in the working life... getting the money to take care of us!

Do you know what it's like to be a parent! OMFG! I remember when I thought this was just temporary and how it was only 3 months, the first what month I had to deal with colic baby. and then it was nice and beautiful... and now we are in 7 months of this.... and I am a pro all star. Joking I don't think anyone can be perfect at parenting.. even in this I make mistakes, and I wonder everyday if he knows how much I love him. and how much I give up for him. I was talking to my friend today and I was like its been FOREVER since I went out and had a nice steak at the Keg, or gone to see a movie. because all my babysitters have to be pre-approved by his social worker...... Only one person came forward and even then its rare that I get that time.

I definitely feel disconnected from everyone.... all my friends are far away and living whatever great lives, and all my friends are NOT parents or have been parents for some time.. so it's hard for them to understand... I cannot sit on my phone forever, I cannot be on Facebook, cannot pay too much attention to anything because the kid just demands my attention, and I also don't want to be on those things if I can be spending time with him. my favourite is still he snuggles...
When he's happy or sad he will place his head on my chest almost like this is is safe zone.. there's definitely nothing like it..

now whether his mom is going to get him back... this I don't know... I have hoped she would just give him up and that I could apply for full custody of the kid, so that I can make appropriate changes in my life... such as permanent housing (if that even exists) and setting us up... I want to set up some sort of trust fund for him.. an all that stuff.... I want to provide good life for him... I still have lots to learn though... an its been fun and learning experiences...

I have to find a balance of everything. cause right now its just him and I... when I'm at work he is at daycare, but when I'm off... we just spend that time together without anyone else... I hope that I can incorporate people in our lives so that we aren't always alone although sometimes I think he prefers that

I guess for right now.. I'm just trying to find the perseverance to keep moving forward in a time that is difficult... without the pillars of strength (friends) or support at all it's been tough and its definitely very different from my old job... I definitely miss that..

anyway that was quick update I have so much on my mind I can't sleep and hopefully this helped some of the areas, just reminding myself that I'm human, and that my priorities are the kid and the providing for him... and my health

Keep Moving Forward <3 nbsp="" p="">