hardly believe it

I know it's getting old to talk about.. but I guess if you didn't know my entire story about how i got a kid in my life.. then IDK how to explain it..
I can't imagine having him leave my life or think of me as anything less than.

I have cared very deeply for this handsome boy since the moment he was born, I have always watched out for him. I cherish him with every fibre of my being. I can't imagine ever living without him in my life.

I couldn't imagine doing what his mom is doing and just forgetting about him and i know in a small way she is never really forgetting him but she is definitely not being there for him. I just went through my photos i guess feeling sentimental but I just see how much he has grown..
how happy I was when he said Baba, how sad I was when he said dada. and now he says mom, mama not knowing what mom or mama means yet.. but now he's learned to say Up which means bitch pick me up. lol

I have watched him learn to crawl. I have watched him have each tooth come in, and I have watched him learn to stand, and him to see the expression on my face about how proud I am of him.

I don't know what the future holds for him. I don't want to put huge expectations on him but even just for him to have a chance to grow up around a family that is not abusing drugs and alcohol and with giving him the tools for success.. I just can hope for the best, but my love for him is eternal, there is absolutely nothing anyone can do to make me stop loving him.

I'm having a hard time... its 3 months away from having him with me permanently and what that process looks like.. i have never ever adopted, or had a child.. .and I am sure the process for this is more extensive than what Im doing.
I don't know if I'll fail.. and Im also certain that I will.. fail at raising him as there is no perfect parent, we do our best with what we have and I definitely will give him my whole heart and believe in him and support him in all I can..

I just hope he grows up at least at the very least knowing that he is loved and that I will never leave his side.

its been hard believe me... its a learning process and I have to learn to cook, and learn to get into a routine... and make his life as structured as the world allows because apparently he depends on that... consistency and repetition.

alirght I'm crashing... I just wanted to tell the world that I absolutely love my handsome nephew and I hope to give him a good life, and I Hope that his mom makes the right decision and walks away.