You are no one.
You are worthless.
I am not ok.
I am overwhelmed with thoughts. I been holding it in. Because its the broken record story. Ive once again asked my brother to depart from my life. I repeatedly asked to not share details about me or my kid. Due to safety concerns or just generally I am a private person. I found out he told a lot of people where my kid goes to school and the area where I live..
I also asked to keep my house clean. No drugs no alcohol. The way my mom raised us. To have my home be the safe space for me and my kid..
Instead my brother showed up drunk. And at first he apologized but then he started sending shitty painful messages hes now blocked.
But reality is... the broken record he spits about. Has been the same for ten plus years.
I abandoned my family. As the most ranked family member who should have been there to protect them. I was off living my best life elsewhere.
I regret being back. I know everything happens for a reason. But im drowning.
I give my life to my kid. An continue to raise him in values. But reality is. If he wasn't here. Neither would I. In the sense id go traveling to the places on my bucket list. And I would refuse to live close by my family members. Before my kid. I lived far away that rarely did anyone would visit
I just struggling. I want to be free from this province. I want to move away. Live my life elsewhere
I'm struggling with the family I was born into
The constant idea cause I work or have a steady job and home. I get in trouble for holding a job? Iek
I'm tired. But I'm ready to die. Ready to end it. Tired of these addictions I'm surrounded by. Tired of watching loved ones destroy themselves. An then blame it on me.
I want to be free. Ive been thinking about my main man Robin Williams. Last few days. Watching videos of his shows. All the joy and laughter an underneath so much pain and torment.
So much pain inside that possibly few an less knew of it. For me I just hurt. Hurting. An I'm alone. Alone in the chaos this is the legacy
Bust thro to move forward until I can be rid of myself from
