stay

Its rare. That i get sick. Its even more reality comes in. I realized how isolated and alone i truly am. It took approx five days for anyone to check on me. And only did cause i terrified myself in isolation. I was scared. What if i got so sick i all of sudden died. Who would know. 

Ive spent so much time detached from everyone not ever really connected. 

It is all too true....

Technology has consumed us all. 

Back in the day. We'd go over to friends. We'd physically be there to help.

And we'd feel connection. I'd feel had a friend.

When I finally told someone the terror I felt... Maybe it was a dream. But to feel so alone. So scared. It was weird

So i reached out. To family and trusted friends. But when i reached out to family. To people I've supported above and beyond. Like enabling. Helping. The extent and amount. And to realize

When in my desperate time of need they were nowhere to be found.

Maybe i realize now that i have to set boundaries. I have to force myself to step away. Take care of my kid. 

It just is what is. Idk what is wrong with me. How i feel. How i react. How even when i say no even if no is right the guilt they make me feel. It makes me mad. 

I would like to be free. 

But i also wished to have someone. You know. Someone to be there to know if they didn't hear from me in a day. Then maybe check on me. Idk

Does it make you think. 

How can we continue to survive on technology. And be so disconnected. 

We need to unplug. We need to reconnect. We deserve to see the world. Laugh with friends. Find moments that take your breath away. Or hold onto. What you have. If you already. 

Keep moving forward

I hope to return soon. As its been quiet as ive been home with some illness... Waiting to heal

Hope to do get help