I tried to message my friends or anyone who could distract me but have had no real help tonight.
So I figured I'd write it up
Today my partner showed me a posting about marriage proposals.. and it had me thinking.. whst in the world. Where in the world. How in the world would I make this happen.
I'll happily save up money to make this real.
I believe her. I believe her when she tells me that I am the one in her life. She loves me. An I'm trying to hold true to that as much as I can.
But I have moments...
My moments tonight are such as what do we talk about. What do we do. How do we become more. I don't like the quietness that we share. Today was a bit of different.. we had breakfast. Sunday rest. An then went shopping
It wasn't the best as we didn't get what I needed. But I'm glad we got out
She had made me wear the same toque as her. I originally thought it was a good idea.
How cute we are together.
We got to take some pictures. We got to spend time together an it was nice. But honestly... I feel like I want more. I don't freaking know what more...
I want to feel... feel so in depth with her. Thst we can say we want in our heads. Or we can shower together without fear of rejection.
I want the best moments with her the worst moments with her I want to be her strength. I want to be her shoulder to lean on. I want to be her guard. Her everything. Her happiness. The first thing she thinks about when she is awake. The last thing she thinks about when she goes to sleep.
I don't want to worry. I don't want to doubt. But I'm human. I'm scared I'm trying to feel the worth she has about me. But I feel scared just as much
And it's like she wants me to jump right in. And I don't even know... what does that mean... how do I jump in. What does that look like you know.
What does our future look like. What does our souls look like.
I want forever. I want to be loved. I want happiness. I want laughter. I want tears etc
Can I just have it all.. is it OK that I want it all.
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